December 27, 2008

Being older makes me think....

I’ll be turning 22 very soon. I had always wondered how an adult should act. How we should bring ourselves in society… When I turned 21 a year ago, I promised myself that I would grow up, be more responsible, more matured. But now I wondered, did I? When I think back about all the things I did in the past years, I can hardly call myself an adult. There were so many wrong steps I took. Things I wish to undo. So many words I wish I hadn’t said. Worthless tears shed. But if I would want to pile all the mistakes and regrets, I guess it would turn into be a huge mountain. And I’m sure that mountain will keep growing because I am just a human. I can only learn from my mistakes and not let it repeat again. The past can’t be rewritten, can it?

My life started when I entered college. I can’t really recall clearly my schooldays lives. I mean, of course I remembered some of those moments. But I think the story of my life really did start in college. This is where I learn a lot about life, friendship, love and despair. There were many bitter-sweet moments.

The 1st thing that came into mind when I reminisce about college is the great friendship I found. And the 1st that came to mind are Dila and Syarifah. I wonder what are they doing now. Studying I guess. Gosh I miss them so much. And also Daniel and Zack, I bet they are lepaking somewhere… and I can picture Anith is on the phone with Zarip..hahaha….I miss them… I regretted for not spending more time with them.

Then there were love… I wonder how he’s doing now. Is he happy? Is he well? I used to despise him. But not anymore. I’m thankful that because of him I learn of love and despair. I know what it feels like to love and long for a person. And I know what it feels like to be left crying by the gate. Even though the first cut is the deepest, I’m now stronger then ever. It’s been 3 years since… it has been that long huh? I almost can’t remember how exactly he looks like. Maybe I was trying too hard to forget and also to hate. And that is my regret. But I'm also thankful to my best friends who stayed by me through those hard time. Although they did actually cry with me, but they were there with couraging words. Those words which I still hold on to dearly.

When I got the news that I had to leave for Moscow alone, I was devastated. I regretted for not studying more. If I had, I would be in IMU with all my friends. But it's different now, I'm have started loving the friends I have here. My life would be very dull if I never met Sara, Mar, Fara, Fetty, Wani, Aisyah, Iman, Anne, Nadia, Nad...and everyone else. I wouldn't think I could live without them.

To everyone that I have ever hurt before, in anyway at all, I'm truly sorry. To all my friends, thank you for being in my life. Let's create more wonderful memories. Luv you guys!!

till then, luv,